Is It Ok to Connect With an Old Flame on Facebook?
Facebook has become a LEADING cause of divorce cases. According to the journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking , people who use Facebook more than once an hour are more likely to “experience Facebook–related conflict with their romantic partners.”
If you’ve ever been in a situation in which your spouse was contacted by someone they used to date, someone they went to school with, just know that I’m right here with you! I’m on your side.
I’m on your side because I am completely aware of the fact that it’s you who has dedicated your life to your spouse. And what has the old flame done for them? Nothing!
This is a dreaded topic for those of us who know what it’s like to feel like throwing up when a former classmate comes out of the woodwork and drops into our spouse’s inbox for no good reason at all.
I mean, come on, if it’s been 10 or even 20 years since they’ve seen each other why do they need to talk now? (I’m mostly referring to opposite sex classmates, but even if it’s an old buddy of his, and the guy doesn’t share my husband’s values, I still wouldn’t approve).
Well, I’ll quit griping and get to the point.
When an old flame reaches out to you, ask yourself the following questions.
What is the reason for connecting?
Connecting with old friends isn’t inherently bad, but we encourage you to ask yourself why you feel the need to connect with them in the first place.
Simply having former classmates as a “friend” on Facebook isn’t necessarily a huge problem, but if you begin messaging back and forth with someone you used to date, it could become a problem, which is why my husband and I both recommend ignoring their friend request all together.
We’ve worked with couples who have gone through heartache because of this very issue. Almost always, the spouse who connected with the old flame tells us that their reason for connecting is because it brought back old feelings, specifically feelings of excitement.
Connecting with this person reminded them of how life used to be back when they were young. One message led to another and they rekindled their relationship after years of not even speaking at all.
What are my priorities?
If it’s been years since you’ve talked to them, and you only spent a short amount of time with them back in school, then they probably don’t need very much of your time or your attention.
Your spouse, on the other hand, does need you and they do deserve your time and attention. Your spouse is the one who has been with you all this time, and they should be your top priority.
I’ve spent so much time with my husband over the last 17 years that anyone I knew back in high school might as well be considered a total stranger as far as I’m concerned.
Are they bringing drama?
Always remember that divisive people who bring drama into your life can mess up your marriage, if you let them.
It isn’t necessarily a bad thing to connect with old friends on Facebook, BUT remember that there are some people you probably don’t need to be connected to, and avoiding them might just make your marriage stronger.
However, if you’ve already started messaging back and forth with an old girlfriend or old boyfriend, just know that you’re playing with fire, and we suggest you look into some of the resources to help deal with that issue.
Keep your marriage strong, work to protect your marriage.
Here at Live your Best Marriage, we believe that every marriage have a chance to thrive and we have resources to help you keep your marriage strong.
If you’d like to discover how to safeguard your marriage, thrive in your marriage and also form a loving, unbreakable bond with your spouse, even if you are not on good terms at the moment, or even if cheating has occurred, then check out our resource, “The Loyalty Breakthrough” at theloyaltybreakthrough.com